


Ugly

by double_negative



Category: Zero Escape (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-28
Updated: 2017-11-28
Packaged: 2019-02-08 04:21:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12856641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/double_negative/pseuds/double_negative
Summary: Clover remembers.It seems weird for her to forget, because it's been less than a week ago.





	Ugly

**Author's Note:**

> This was probably written 1000 times before, but I am replaying VLR and I am absolutely exhausted from feeling so much at once.

Clover remembers. It seems weird for her to forget, because it's been less than a week ago. It seems weird for her to forget, so all of her memories flood, rushing to the front, gathering, pooling like raindrops on glass and once the surface tension breaks, they spill out around her, uncontrollable, falling again, this time not from the murky clouds above her head, not from the recesses of her brain. Memories flow out with tears from her eyes.

She knows she probably looks horrible, her lips trembling and her mascara streaked across her face, but she doesn't really care, because he wouldn't have seen it, the only person whos opinion still matters, he wouldn't have seen how horrible her expression is, broken, torn. He wouldn't have even if he ghosted his pale fingertips across her face, taking it in the only way he can, mapping it out in his head. Clover used to wonder if her brother actually knew what she looks like, vanity her only sin. But Light just held her close no matter what, never caring that her tears were soaking through his clothing and told her that she's the most beautiful person he's ever met, that even if he can't really see her, she's beautiful on the inside and that's the only thing that matters.

Clover is sure that he felt it, all the ugly feelings inside her head shared between the two of them, an unspoken conversation and an unseen bond, and yet Clover still believed him. Her brother wuld never lie to her, and even if he tried, Clover would know.

Clover knows she looks horrible with her face wet with tears and betrayal on her lips. No one is here to console her now that she can't call out to him. The link has been severed for the first time in her life and she has never felt so unsure, so lonely. She feels betrayed, abandoned, and she knows she shouldn't, because it's ugly. Because the bitterness seeps through, staining her inside and out, because a thought that her brother has left her shouldn't be conceivable at all in any possible world or timeline. It's terrifying, to be left alone inside her head, so instead of calling out uselessly, she tries to finds solace the only other way she knows. Clover remembers.

_Soft rays of an afternoon sun are falling through the glass front of the coffee shop. People are silent, it's almost like they aren't even breathing, they look like they're expecting a miracle, already in awe of what's about to happen. Her brother is smiling. It's a small, barely-there thing, but Clover has been around for the most of his life, so she immidiately recognizes it. His eyes are closed, transluscent white eyelashes fanning over almost invisible freckles. His light gray hair frames his face in loose waves and in this lighting he looks like an ethereal being caught on canvas by a stroke of a brush. But then the moment of stillness is gone as he plucks at the strings of his harp and with the first note, the audience exhales, one illusion broken to give place to another, a world woven by the music that comes from under Light's fingertips, the whole universe moving to the tune of his song, gently humming to the vibration of the stings. Clover remembers thinking about string theory and it seems to her for a moment, that the only reason the world around exists is because Light keeps playing. She has never been happier in her entire life, because she can almost believe in a world Light has created, where everything will have actual meaning and purpose. No one would ever cry again, except from happiness, no one would be alone ever again and not a single child would be left to burn alive._

It seems ridiculous that she would ever forget him, it seems impossible that he would ever leave her, so she keeps her head high as she walks even as tears silently roll down her cheeks. She knows that if someone, anyone, looks over at her, she's done, she's lost. They would see how ugly she is, inside and out and there would be no one to tell them otherwise.

She throws down a switch. She has nine seconds to say goodbye. She doesn't care at all. All these other people, they could just die and rot if it means she gets to see her brother again, to share another moment with him, to feel his presense comfortably nested inside her mind, so warm and reassuring. Maybe she was ugly in what she was willing to do for Light, but he knew that and it never changed his opinion. He knew Clover would lie, cheat, betray and even kill for his sake, but it never swayed him.

* * *

 

Clover remembers. It seems perfectly natural that she would forget. After all, she realises, forty five years has passed since she has seen her brother. Would she even be able to recognize him anymore? For her, time stood still, but for Light it never once slowed his pace. It was hours for her, but decades for Light. Was he calling out for her like she did when she woke up? Has he felt this emptiness inside him, an emptiness that can't be filled by anything this world has to offer? Maybe he's been looking for her, all these years, chasing her shadow. Maybe he forgot and moved on. Maybe he's dead.

Clover doesn't want to think anymore. When the door shuts behind her, she knows her decision was right, there was simply no ther choice she could have made and Light would understand. Light would be the only one who could forgive her and call her beautiful after what she's done and for that reason alone Light has to be alive.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry, this is kinda short and scrappy, but it's the first thing I wrote for my most favourite game series, so if everything works out and I pick up some steam, I would write for ZE again and hopefully it would be better.  
> Also it's 5 am, so if there are any typos, just point them out, because by this point I am almost blind.


End file.
